The Business of Cruising is Big Business ...

Wie zu Hause … Wilkommen zu Hause …These warm phrases welcome you on board the cruise ships from Aida. The warmth in these phrases cannot, leider, be translated to what awaits you on one of their ships … Oh la la.

On an epic journey from Mallorca to Dubai we elected to travel on the German Cruiseliner and settled in what we thought would be a relaxing journey. We forgot about the discomfort and annoyances of other boats and could not fathom that this would be equally disheartening.

The door-nazis were out in full force so taking breakfast to my companion was ausgeschlossen: we do not allow food to be taken from the restaurants. Nor could water be had, it had to be purchased at 2.50€ a bottle. Water, an essential staple that no one can long do without. But then we’d already broken our teeth on a Holland America ship where the bottles went for an eye-watering 8$ a pop. A bottle they surely purchase at cost price and no it did not come with gold flecks and diamond trimming.

Cruising is big business. It’s sold as a trip of a life-time, a nice and relaxing way to discover the world. All of this is true, but do not forget that you’re also their business and their business model is based on ensuring that you spend as much as possible on the ship, so in addition to the charges incurred when booking, allow for at least twice as much the moment your feet touch the gangway. The mercenary character of these expeditions are really putting me off cruising altogether.

The trip from Mallorca to Dubai takes roughly 20 days. It boggles the mind to realise that in these 20 days there are two complimentary bottles of water, no fridge, no food allowed in the cabins and all but the most basic coffee and vinegar passing as table wine needs to be paid for. At home (zu Hause) I have a far more luxurious existence and I don’t have to worry about running out of tissue paper; Covid-19 has forever cured me of that lapse, nor do I get told off for wanting to have my meal in front of the telly. At home I enjoy my morning coffee on my balcony; on Aida I need to traipse up the stairs, find coffee only to be stopped by a door nazi who cannot wait to point out my transgressions. No, wie zu Hause it is not.